The emotions and excitement that come with officially knowing our girl's Gotcha Day is unbelievable! We can't wait to leave in TWO WEEKS!
As we get ready to head to Korea for our custody trip, we are thinking about all of you and how much our lives are about to change. Todd and I are so fortunate to have such incredible family and friends. We could never express the appreciation for ALL of the support and excitement that you have all shown us over the last 2 years. We are thrilled to bring Lyla home! Watching other friends adopt internationally, as well as our education and training for this adoption, have prepared us in how to help Lyla become a well-adapted member of our family.
I know a number of people are planning to meet us at the airport when we arrive home. We will be SO excited to see anyone who can attend our homecoming celebration! After traveling for about 24 hours, we will arrive at the Chattanooga Airport on June 14th at 10:50 p.m. Please be mindful not to overwhelm Lyla. Also, Todd, Madilynn, and I will be the only people who can hold Lyla for the time being, as we are working towards her knowing that WE are her family (a confusing concept to a 21 month old who was just removed from the only life and family she has ever known.) A dear friend of ours has also scheduled a photographer to take pictures of our arrival. We plan to wear our From Orphan to Heir t-shirts, and if any of you would like to do the same, feel free but no pressure to do so!
There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child. There are also quite a few areas that we have learned are different. We know that Lyla will need a specific type of environment and parenting when she comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family. When Madilynn was born, she learned that Todd and I would meet her needs by the repeated pattern of having a need and getting that need met countless times throughout the day. Whether a diaper needed to be changed, she was hungry, or felt tired, Todd and I met those basic needs over and over and over again. Although these newborn days were completely exhausting (and these precious first days with Lyla will be the same), I realize how truly purposeful that time was. I was constantly teaching Madilynn that I was her mama and that I would meet all of her needs, which built trust, security, and healthy attachment with Madilynn. Now is our chance to do the same with Lyla even though she is almost 2 years old.
You may think that because Lyla is so young and came from a very loving foster home, she won’t be impacted much, but we are erring on the side that she will grieve tremendously for all that she will lose: her home, her familiar surroundings, her language, her country, her amazing foster family, her routines, her friends, etc. In order to help Lyla feel safe and learn that we are her parents, we are creating the type of environment that will help promote security and a safe place to grieve her losses during this stressful time.
Here are some things we will be doing for our sweet Lyla based on research and experience with other adopted children. We plan to live a quiet life with limited trips out and very limited short visits for a little while. Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first adopted, they may be overwhelmed, scared, and nervous. By keeping our lives very limited and consistent at first, we’ll be helping Lyla feel safe. So, if you see us in public or stop by our house to deliver a meal, please do not touch Lyla (something like a high five is totally fine, but a hug, kiss, etc. is just reserved for the 4 of us right now.) If she needs help with anything or approaches you to hold her or open something for her, etc., please direct her to Todd, Madilynn, or me by saying something along the lines of "go ask Mama/Dada/Sister to help you."
We know you’ll all want to hug, kiss and help Lyla, but it is recommended that we be the only ones to do that for awhile to improve her chances of strongly attaching to us (which has lasting effects for her entire life, in more areas than you would think.) Until we feel Lyla has attached and clearly knows we are her parents, we will need to be the ones meeting all of her needs/wants. As strange as it may seem, adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is not a healthy thing. It is called “indiscriminate affection” and can mean that they haven’t really attached to anyone, which causes quite a few difficulties in their life.
We appreciate your understanding in reading this and we know what a great sacrifice this will be for you, as you have waited and worked and prayed right along with us to bring our precious Lyla home. But we want to tell you this crucial information so that you will understand how dedicated and committed we are to helping Lyla adjust and adapt during this stressful time in her life. We can never thank you enough for all of your support!
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