After being matched with our precious Lyla, the excitement was soon accompanied with sadness. A sadness that I wasn't expecting, but comes from being separated from our child. We very much feel the absence of our baby girl. The fact that she has missed our day-to-day life, our family memories, our hugs and kisses. I am so incredibly thankful for everyday with Todd and Madilynn, but with every memory we make and picture we take, Lyla's absence is felt. There is definitely a missing piece in our home and everyday we pray for and look forward to her coming home soon.
I don't even know how to begin to describe what this wait feels like. It is not like the wait of pregnancy. There is no due date, no tiny kicks, no growing belly. This adoption wait is filled with so many unknowns, not knowing what your baby is doing, missing so many milestones, not being able to advocate for your baby on a daily basis, not knowing if you will see her in 5 months or 10 months, and knowing that they are making memories without you. This wait is way harder than I ever expected. In any other wait, decision, time that I have come up against, I have been able to see where God is working or where He could be working for my good. But in this situation, I cannot see it. All I have been able to do is repeat the things I know to be true, the promises God has given us. One of those promises is that the testing of my faith produces perseverance (James 1:3), so I am trying my hardest to lean into this ridiculously hard wait and continuously remind myself that even when I can't see it, God is working this hard time together for my good and His glory.
The only thing I can tell people is imagine your child is on the other side of the world. Like if your 15 month old child was 7,000 miles away growing up without you, going to bed every night without you, having her tears dried without you. A child that you are madly in love with and you cannot do anything to get to them. That is the pain that is felt.
It is hard. This adoption process is hard. But the thing I have been able to learn through this wait is just how much God loves us to adopt us into His family. He did the hard things to be able to call me His daughter and this small reflection of the pain and perseverance is not lost on me. I am thankful that our family will always have this tangible story to point back to for our children as we lead them towards Jesus and teach them of what God did for us. We do the hard things because He did the ultimate hard thing (Galatians 4:1-7). And that is the simplest way I can put it.
Through all of this pain and suffering, I am thankful we serve a loving God. A Father that does not leave us in this pain. He is constantly holding us and reminding us of His constant presence. He has shown us through our amazing family and friends who have been reaching out to us to encourage our hearts and have been continuously praying for us. We have seen how He has placed these sweet brothers and sisters in Christ in our life in order to share their experience and wisdom with us at the perfect time and to always point us towards Our Savior. Jesus has spoken sweetly and persistently to our hurting hearts. Even when it may not be what we want to hear, I am in awe of the love that God has for me, to not be silent, but to speak lovingly and repeatedly. He has directed us to His word and the many times He speaks of patience and His promises. And we are so grateful for the hope we find in Him. It seems I need to remind myself daily of His promises and hope, and although I wish we were not facing this hard wait away from our Lyla girl, this suffering has brought us to the feet of Jesus I am thankful for that.
"Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.
Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.
The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for 3 years and 6 months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit."
James 5:7-8,11,16-18
So for now, we humbly ask that you pray fervently with us, just as Elijah did, that The Lord will bring Lyla home faster than what we have been told is possible. Our God DOES the impossible and we pray He shows His majesty through this process. We also pray that God gives us peace and understanding of His will in this difficult time.
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