Custody Date!! and how you can help us help Lyla

As many of you know, WE GOT OUR CUSTODY DATE! Lyla will forever be ours on JUNE 11TH!
The emotions and excitement that come with officially knowing our girl's Gotcha Day is unbelievable! We can't wait to leave in TWO WEEKS!

As we get ready to head to Korea for our custody trip, we are thinking about all of you and how much our lives are about to change. Todd and I are so fortunate to have such incredible family and friends. We could never express the appreciation for ALL of the support and excitement that you have all shown us over the last 2 years. We are thrilled to bring Lyla home! Watching other friends adopt internationally, as well as our education and training for this adoption, have prepared us in how to help Lyla become a well-adapted member of our family.

I know a number of people are planning to meet us at the airport when we arrive home. We will be SO excited to see anyone who can attend our homecoming celebration! After traveling for about 24 hours, we will arrive at the Chattanooga Airport on June 14th at 10:50 p.m. Please be mindful not to overwhelm Lyla. Also, Todd, Madilynn, and I will be the only people who can hold Lyla for the time being, as we are working towards her knowing that WE are her family (a confusing concept to a 21 month old who was just removed from the only life and family she has ever known.)  A dear friend of ours has also scheduled a photographer to take pictures of our arrival. We plan to wear our From Orphan to Heir t-shirts, and if any of you would like to do the same, feel free but no pressure to do so!

There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child. There are also quite a few areas that we have learned are different. We know that Lyla will need a specific type of environment and parenting when she comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family. When Madilynn was born, she learned that Todd and I would meet her needs by the repeated pattern of having a need and getting that need met countless times throughout the day. Whether a diaper needed to be changed, she was hungry, or felt tired, Todd and I met those basic needs over and over and over again. Although these newborn days were completely exhausting (and these precious first days with Lyla will be the same), I realize how truly purposeful that time was. I was constantly teaching Madilynn that I was her mama and that I would meet all of her needs, which built trust, security, and healthy attachment with Madilynn. Now is our chance to do the same with Lyla even though she is almost 2 years old.

You may think that because Lyla is so young and came from a very loving foster home, she won’t be impacted much, but we are erring on the side that she will grieve tremendously for all that she will lose: her home, her familiar surroundings, her language, her country, her amazing foster family, her routines, her friends, etc. In order to help Lyla feel safe and learn that we are her parents, we are creating the type of environment that will help promote security and a safe place to grieve her losses during this stressful time.

Here are some things we will be doing for our sweet Lyla based on research and experience with other adopted children. We plan to live a quiet life with limited trips out and very limited short visits for a little while. Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first adopted, they may be overwhelmed, scared, and nervous. By keeping our lives very limited and consistent at first, we’ll be helping Lyla feel safe. So, if you see us in public or stop by our house to deliver a meal, please do not touch Lyla (something like a high five is totally fine, but a hug, kiss, etc. is just reserved for the 4 of us right now.) If she needs help with anything or approaches you to hold her or open something for her, etc., please direct her to Todd, Madilynn, or me by saying something along the lines of "go ask Mama/Dada/Sister to help you."

We know you’ll all want to hug, kiss and help Lyla, but it is recommended that we be the only ones to do that for awhile to improve her chances of strongly attaching to us (which has lasting effects for her entire life, in more areas than you would think.) Until we feel Lyla has attached and clearly knows we are her parents, we will need to be the ones meeting all of her needs/wants. As strange as it may seem, adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is not a healthy thing. It is called “indiscriminate affection” and can mean that they haven’t really attached to anyone, which causes quite a few difficulties in their life.

We appreciate your understanding in reading this and we know what a great sacrifice this will be for you, as you have waited and worked and prayed right along with us to bring our precious Lyla home. But we want to tell you this crucial information so that you will understand how dedicated and committed we are to helping Lyla adjust and adapt during this stressful time in her life. We can never thank you enough for all of your support!

Korea Court Trip - Day 7

We woke up on our last morning in Seoul and packed up our room. This took a little longer than we thought (that's what happens when you buy alot of souvenirs and are sent home with even more presents from Omma!) Then we headed downstairs, checked out, and left our luggage at the hotel while we went to go check off one more thing on our to do list before our flight home.

Namsan Tower (Seoul Tower) has been on our list the whole trip, but we could never find clear directions on how to get there, but with our last few hours, we decided to face the challenge and just go for it. Todd figured out how to get there and it wasn't bad until we had to climb what felt like a 90 degree angled mountain up to the cable car that would take us up Namsan Mountain.

We were so happy (and out of breath) when we saw the sign for the cable car. We went in, bought our ticket, and waited in a very long line to head up the mountain. Once we got off of the cable car, there were the prettiest views of the city. Seoul is crazy large, like I cannot even explain the size of this city!

The reason we wanted to go to Namsan Tower (other than the views) is to put Lyla's love lock on the bridge there. Namsan Tower is famously known for a place where you can take a love lock and add it to their bridges that are covered with locks that symbolize a forever love. We took our lock with the promise that Lyla Grace is forever our daughter and we will be back as soon as we are allowed to bring her home with us! 

Then we headed back down to meet our transfer at the hotel. But first, we walked the streets around our hotel one more time and tried a few more street food delicious treats. We walked a block back to our hotel, grabbed our luggage, and headed to the airport. 

We had an uneventful flight, although we totally failed at trying to stay awake (and are now paying for it in the jetlag department.) And were so happy to be back home and with our favorite 3 year old! When Madilynn woke up and saw that we were home she just hugged us and laid in my lap for the longest time, as we all had the biggest smiles. We missed each other so very much and are so ready to have our missing piece home in about a month.

Korea Court Trip - Day 6

Friday morning came and with our last full day ahead of us, we planned to fit in as much as possible!
We headed out to the Korea War Memorial with Pete and Alex, another family adopting from Korea that we met during our trip and were staying in our hotel. But first, we stopped by McDonald's for breakfast.

Then we took the subway to the War Memorial and were surprised to see that it was actually a memorial for all of Korea's wars, not just the Korean War we think of as Americans. It was so interesting to really dive into Lyla's birth country's history.

Then we entered the part of the museum that did an amazing job at honoring those who fought in the Korean War. The museum was amazingly kept and so informative and it was free!

We ate a quick lunch and then headed to our last meeting with our sweet Lyla. We were planning on going to her playgroup that she attends every week, but we actually spent our first hour in a room with just us.
When Lyla walked in she was all smiles, and didn't cry or anything when she saw us. She confidently walked in and smiled as she sat down in the small BMW electric car in the room. She started laughing and "driving" it. She was happy as could be and we were amazed by her joy and confidence, even though we were there and she is aware (as aware as a 22 month old can be) that we are her Mom and Dad and that we will be taking her home soon. She played with a ball, a piano, bubbles, and ate cheese, all while sitting in the BMW.  Our meeting was so sweet and good connections were made. Her foster mom turned on music at one point and Lyla did a whole choreographed dance. It was so cute!!
Omma left the room for a few minutes to make a bottle for our girl and Lyla started crying. Todd picked her up and she let him comfort her as she cried. This is a great sign for the grieving to come.
When Omma got back, she told me that Lyla likes her milk room temperature and had me feel the bottle. It was HOT! But girl loves her bottle! She cuddles right up and drinks away. Omma even laid her next to me and she happily stayed there! God is preparing her heart so sweetly and we are incredibly thankful!
After our hour was up, we thought our meeting was over but we followed Lyla and Omma downstairs to say good bye. When we got outside, Omma took off across the street which we thought was very strange but thought maybe she was just in a big hurry. When she got a ways from us, she turned around and quickly motioned for us to follow her. So we did. We ended up at Holt's guest house where Omma found a social worker to translate for us and tell us that we were headed up to playgroup.
We walked in the room and Lyla got so excited. She got out of her baby carrier and took off like she owned the room. There were about 6 other kids in the room with 3 workers and 3 foster moms. Lyla loved the trampoline, the ball pit, the slide, the pink car, and the other kiddos. She let us play with her and all of the toys. Todd played ball with another little boy for a second and Lyla came over and took the ball. haha.
Then Lyla wanted to see out of one of the windows, so Todd lifted her up so she could see and then started tossing her up in the air. She was laughing and then all of the sudden, she started crying. Todd held her and tried to get her to stop crying. He turned her out and sat her down, so she could calm down and then she started throwing up!! She threw up 3 or so times and Omma took her temperature which was 102 degrees. We rushed over to Holt's clinic and they checked her out. They did not find anything except the fever, so they gave her medicine (I am guessing tylenol) and we had to say our good byes as they needed to go home. We gave our girl a kiss on the head and then left.
We are pretty sure she was just over heated, combined with warm milk, and playing hard. Our meeting ended on a hard note, but the happiness and progress our girl has shown outweighed the dramatic end.

We then headed to Gangnam to get dinner with friends. Caitlin and Britton, who are also adopting through our adoption agency, met us at our metro stop and walked to dinner with us. David and Hahn, who we randomly met our first morning in Seoul, also met us for dinner. The food was beyond good and was the restaurant Todd has been dying to go to and it did not disappoint.

Then we walked to get a traditional Korean dessert, with our new friends.

Next we walked to McDonalds, because what else would you do when you have just stuffed yourself with food for the entire evening? haha. Todd had some interesting meals he wanted to try at Korea McDonald's and I wasn't going to pass up some more fellowship with adopting parents.

It was a good and busy day to end a good and busy trip. 

Korea Court Trip - Day 5

Today was the day we went to court and spoke before a judge that has the power to grant us custody of our sweet Lyla! I was very nervous even though I have been told over and over how this was the easiest part of the whole adoption process.
We woke up around 7am (finally our bodies are starting to adjust to Korea time) and Todd ran downstairs to grab us coffee and breakfast sandwiches, while I got ready. We were out the door by 8:15 am and arrived at Holt at about 9. This was the first morning we took the metro without having to follow step by step directions on our phones. You could call us locals now. haha.

Our bus from Holt to court was a little late, so we got a chance to talk with some of the families and how their meetings had gone with their babies. We loaded up on the bus and headed to Gangnam for court. The nerves really hit when we had to sit down outside of the court room. We were the third family in line and both families before us said it went great as they walked out.
We walked in and a million things were going through my head. Our translator had us state our names and then he immediately asked why we hadn't brought Madilynn with us. We told him that we were going to bring her on the custody trip. Then he asked us what we thought about Lyla when we met her, if we were aware of all of her birth history and for us to state all that we knew, why we would want to adopt if we did not struggle with infertility, and then what felt like ten more questions. I was continually shaking and trying to remember to smile and nudging Todd so he would remember to smile. We were so relieved when we were told we were done. We said "thank you" in Korean and walked out.
We circled up with the families as they also left the courtroom and talked over all possible thoughts that could be going through the judge's mind. Then we got ushered downstairs because we were being too loud.
Then we went across the street and had Korean BBQ with all of the families.

Then we headed back to Insadong via a 45 minute metro ride and got caught in a 30 second torrential downpour. After we got changed, we rested for about 2 hours and then went out to dinner with some friends that were here to adopt their babies through another agency in Seoul. We ate in Insadong and talked about court, our babies, what life is about to look like, how God has provided, and so much more. We are so thankful for the community God has placed in so many moments of our adoption journey.

Korea Court Trip - Day 4

Today was our second meeting with our Lyla Grace and we were so excited to show her our love and encourage her that she is safe with us. We woke up around 6am and got ready before heading down to the coffee shop in our hotel for some breakfast. (Let it be known that today, Todd Smith ordered a coffee of his very own!)
After we ate, we headed to Holt. We have gotten pretty confident on the metro system so it was nice to feel like we knew where we were going. But it seems we are a little too good at it because we ended up getting to Holt an hour and a half early! Haha. So we walked around the nearby mall to kill some time before going back to holt about 40 minutes before our scheduled meeting time. We waited in the office for about 20 minutes and then they took us up to the 6th floor. We sat in the large conference room waiting on Lyla and when they walked in we were so happy to see that her Foster Dad came along as well!
Omma handed Lyla to her Appa and he was the sweetest! Lyla loves her Appa so very much and she would cry everytime we would try to interact with her. We prepared to continue to pursue her from a safe distance and tried our best to show her our love. About 15 minutes into our meeting, a switch flipped and our prayers were answered! I was speaking with Omma and when I looked over at Todd, he was holding a smiling, laughing Lyla. We looked at each other with big smiles knowing that our hearts were about burst.
Todd bounced and spun Lyla around while she laughed the most precious laugh. He kissed her and told her he loved her and I melted. After holding her for quite a while, he handed Lyla to me and she wasn't quite having it. I tried bouncing but I obviously didn't have the "Daddy touch." So i let her down and she started to walk over to the stage area of the room. I grabbed her hand as she started to climb the stairs and she held it as she walked up the stairs and then down the ramp and then up the ramp and then down the stairs. Everytime she felt uneasy, she reached for my hand. And everytime, my heart melted all over again.
Her Omma and Appa came over and spoke with us and showed us videos on her phone and told us random facts she thought we should know and told us that they are so very happy that Lyla will be joining our family. This meeting was so much of God's goodness rolled into an hour and a half.

When it was almost time to leave, and Omma gave us bags of gifts. She gave us the most wonderful album of pictures from Lyla's life with them, as well as 2 professional photo books. And then we found 3 flash drives full of thousands, yes I said thousands, of pictures and videos. I was in tears while looking through these priceless gifts, as I thought about how most adopted children will never know about the early days of their lives, but Lyla's days will forever be documented and she will have answers to so many questions!
Lyla left our meeting in her Appa's arms and waved the cutest wave to us as they walked out. Cue the heart melting again!

After our meeting, we have a debriefing for court the next day and then went out to lunch with another couple in our group. This couple was such an encouragement to us in our week in Seoul and God planned journey to our sweet girl! I love how God places His children in each other's lives in order to push each other onwards. What a big, amazing God we serve!!

After lunch, we went to Starbucks and looked over the pictures Omma gave us. We were on cloud 9 as we saw so many days of Lyla's first 2 years. Then we went back to the mall nearby. We went to Home Plus (which is like Korea's Target) and bought some Pororo toys for Lyla's custody trip. And headed back to our hotel. We laid low and ate dinner at our hotel. Then headed to bed at a decent time to prepare for our big court date the next day!

Korea Court Trip - Day 3

Our adoption agency has volunteers, who want to practice their English, tour families around this beautiful city and today was our tour! We met our tour guide in the lobby of our hotel at 9:30am and she took us to a palace that is close to our hotel. We watched the changing of the guards and walked around the palace grounds taking in the history of these huge, beautiful grounds.

Then we explored the folk village and this was probably my favorite part. There was a historical house on the grounds and it was so fun to see what life was like throughout history in Korea.

Then we walked all over Bukchon Hanok Village, which as a ton of tradition Korean homes. They are so beautiful, but the neighborhood is very hilly and Todd's foot was definitely sore after it.

Our tour guide took us to a traditional Korean restaurant for lunch and we had to take our shoes off when we walked in the door, and sat on the ground while we ate.

Then we headed back to the hotel to ice Todd's foot and take a nap. We woke up around 5:30pm and met some friends (through Facebook) for dinner. We went to a little restaurant right by our hotel and I had the best dinner so far. I ordered hot pot bibimbap and it came our sizzling. It was so delicious!!! We had a great time talking over our adoption journeys with these new friends and exchange pictures of our new babies. God has been so faithful to provide community for us when we needed it the most.
After dinner we walked around the neighborhood that our hotel is in, while we continued to get to know our new friends. We got dessert from some street vendors and walked in a few shops. We ended up buying some wedding ducks for Lyla. (Fun Fact: Wedding ducks are a pair of duck carvings (traditionally Mandarin ducks) that are used in Korean wedding ceremonies, and often given as marriage gifts. Mandarin ducks are chosen because it is believed that, unlike other types of ducks, they mate for life, and that if one of the pair dies, the other will mourn. For Koreans, Mandarin ducks represent peace, fidelity, and plentiful offspring.)

Tomorrow is our second meeting with Lyla and we are so excited to see her again! We are happy that we are a little more prepared going into this meeting and are hoping this time provides comfort and a sense of belonging for our girl.