About a year since God pushed us to pursue our baby

The other day, Facebook reminded me that about a year ago we asked our friends and family to pray along with us as we followed God's will and guidance to move up "our plan" to adopt and to pursue our child. His child. We were praying for guidance on His timing and guidance to which country we would be adopting through. We could have never imagined the (pause for not being able to find words) pure unimaginable ways He has revealed himself to us this year.

But right now I am dealing with a hard feeling that brings tears to my eyes. The feeling of missing a baby I know nothing about. I truly miss our korean baby, although we do not know when they were born, if they are a boy or girl, what their personality is like, or what their smile looks like.

The only reason I can think that The Lord would allow these feelings is because He is shaping my heart to have a hole in it to be filled with our little one, the newest Smith. Adoption is hard because it does not begin with joy. For a baby to be an orphan, there has to be pain. A painful decision for our child's birth parents to put them up for adoption. (And many other pains that come along with adoption.) Pain that comes from the fall of man. God did not want sin for His children, but it did enter the world, and He still works everything together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).
God has called our little family to pursue our child as a small reflection of the way He pursues us. We were separated from Him due to sin and He longed for us to come home to Him and our family. Separation from Jesus is pain and so our separation from our soon-to-be baby must be painful too. We are meant to be a family. God has shaped our family to bring our baby in and to fit perfectly, in order to show His love. "If we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:12

So although it is painful in the moment, I pray that our baby is in our arms soon and that every word we speak and action we take speaks only of the love of Jesus.

Our Silent Auction Fundraiser

February 3rd, 2017 was our last big adoption fundraiser. The emotions that come along with saying that vary. On one hand, we are so incredibly relieved and thankful that we have almost reached our $45,000 adoption cost and we have not even received our match yet! We only have $5,321 left to raise and over a year to raise it (since it is not due until we travel). That fact takes an enormous weight off of our shoulders and makes our hearts explode from pure gratitude to our amazing God. What an incredible provider He is and we pray everyone who has watched our adoption journey so far has seen that He is a god of miracles.

On February 8th, we turned in our LAST 2 pieces of homestudy paperwork!! This is huge! Our social worker compiled our months of work into our official home study report, and sent it to our agency. Our agency needs to approve it and once that is done they can send it to Korea! Once it is in Korea, we will be able to receive a match (which means we are one step closer to seeing our baby's face!!)

On the other side of this (and I am sure this is a little difficult to understand) is fear: the fear of the unknown. Having these large things behind us and being several steps closer to bring our child home brings fear. For the last 8 months, we have filled every spare second with fundraising efforts and home study work. But now, we wait. And in this wait, we do not have a known date that we will receive more information. In this wait, we have to lean into Jesus for peace. I like to keep busy, but I know this wait will produce good fruit.

But onto our Silent Auction!!

What a wonderful night put together by the most wonderful community!  An amazing group of ladies worked so hard to get over 50 top notch items for us to auction off and then put it all together so quickly and so beautifully. We had so many huge blessings in the form of donated items. These items were seriously more than we could have ever expected!!! I wanted to bid on everything! haha. We had a selfless, loving friend who took of work on Friday and helped Todd prepare food all day and serve a delicious Korean meal to everyone.  An amazing local artist, Liz Lindstrom, (who we have never met but was incredibly sweet and so so fun) who painted live for our event (such great entertainment and talent)! And last but definitely not least, the most wonderful group of family and friends who made our night so successful and  full of joy.

Our total amount raised was $9,289.28!! We knew to expect God's blessings, but He never fails to leave us in awe and completely humbled to receive His love in such a huge way.

The night was so lovely: full of laughter and sweet smiles, love for our Korean lovebug that none of us have ever laid eyes on, and all of the glory to our God. A big thanks to our friend, Jeanette, for capturing the night!

When Nikki and Adam won the raffle for 4 nights at an all-inclusive in the Mayan Riviera with only ONE ticket purchased! Honeymoon!!
(aka another way God provided in the details)

I could cry I am so excited that Mom and Dad won the live painting bid! Not only is it stunning, it is just another reminder of this pursuit of our Korean baby and along with that comes the reminder of how God himself pursues us: his adopted children.

Even though this post is long overdue (by a whole month), it still fills our hearts to overflowing gratitude to our good, good Father. And tonight at church our pastor asked us if we have people in our lives who know our deepest needs, what we are praying for, who pray for us and encourage us as we pursue Jesus. This question left me speechless because words fail me for the body of Christ we are so blessed to be a part of and the encouragement, support, love that we receive.