About a year since God pushed us to pursue our baby

The other day, Facebook reminded me that about a year ago we asked our friends and family to pray along with us as we followed God's will and guidance to move up "our plan" to adopt and to pursue our child. His child. We were praying for guidance on His timing and guidance to which country we would be adopting through. We could have never imagined the (pause for not being able to find words) pure unimaginable ways He has revealed himself to us this year.

But right now I am dealing with a hard feeling that brings tears to my eyes. The feeling of missing a baby I know nothing about. I truly miss our korean baby, although we do not know when they were born, if they are a boy or girl, what their personality is like, or what their smile looks like.

The only reason I can think that The Lord would allow these feelings is because He is shaping my heart to have a hole in it to be filled with our little one, the newest Smith. Adoption is hard because it does not begin with joy. For a baby to be an orphan, there has to be pain. A painful decision for our child's birth parents to put them up for adoption. (And many other pains that come along with adoption.) Pain that comes from the fall of man. God did not want sin for His children, but it did enter the world, and He still works everything together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).
God has called our little family to pursue our child as a small reflection of the way He pursues us. We were separated from Him due to sin and He longed for us to come home to Him and our family. Separation from Jesus is pain and so our separation from our soon-to-be baby must be painful too. We are meant to be a family. God has shaped our family to bring our baby in and to fit perfectly, in order to show His love. "If we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:12

So although it is painful in the moment, I pray that our baby is in our arms soon and that every word we speak and action we take speaks only of the love of Jesus.