Text to Todd

Last Tuesday, the 2nd, Calvary had a Ladies' Night and God used it as a night of realizations and encouragement. When I got home, I sat down to text Todd (since he is on a mission trip right now) and this is what poured out. I wasn't going to post, but I figured, our future child will want to each step of our journey and I know I will love to look back on how God spoke to us and how our journey led us to the baby we will be holding in our arms.
So here is my text to Todd:

"Tonight was the ladies night and man did God use it to speak to me!!!! First of all, while we were worshipping He BROKE my heart for our future little one. Our baby is going to ABANDONED. Left without a parent, shuffled through so many hoops by the government. They will not have an easy beginning. In fact, it will most likely take a hard toll on them in one way or another. My heart hurts for our baby. I pray that God will step in and hold him/her tight. Protect them, love them, comfort them until we get there. I knew what their first year and a half or so would look like theoretically but tonight the weight off it hit me hard... Like holding-back-an-ugly-cry-because-I-was-in-a-room-of-about-250-women hard.

Then the teaching for tonight was on "joy." And I thought, "I have been pretty joyful lately, I'm not sure where God is taking this." And oh boy did he reveal my struggle, my weakness. She taught on John 6: Jesus feeding the 5000. A story I have heard a million times. But I heard it in a way I have never heard it before. Verse 5 says that Jesus asks "where shall WE buy bread that they may eat?" - He had compassion on these people. For their needs. And in verse 7, Philip answers that everything he has or could hope to have wouldn't be sufficient for what they need. The speaker said that Jesus' question went way over Philip's head. And then she asked us a question "who has a situation that is way over your head?" And I wanted to leap out of my seat with both hands up. I. AM. PHILIP. This adoption and the money it will take is so over our heads. It is not something we could ever do on our own. But then she said "well aren't you lucky?" 😭 We are in a situation for God to show his amazing glory. He literally took 5 loaves of bread and 2 small fish and multiples them to feed FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE!!! This is not a fairytale. This is not a story to teach someone a lesson. This truly truly happened!! If he can do this with food, you better believe it is possible with money. I am so quick to say "what is this among so many?" But what are we to do in our situation?? PUT IT IN HIS HANDS. He is so far beyond capable. In verse 11, Jesus gave thanks for the tiny amount of food He had AND THEN he multiplied it. We are to give thanks for the $3000 that God has already provided and then when we put it in His hands He WILL multiply it into the $50,000 we need. 🙌🏼

Psalm 51:12 says "restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by your generous Spirit." God is GENEROUS. He wants to give us our needs and wants. We need to honestly, wholeheartedly ask the Lord for what we need to pursue of child. My heart aches knowing that we will not get to spend their first days with them but God called us to rescue them and He will reward us for our obedience. That is a God-given promise and peace."